I'm mad that I am mad.
I guess I was too hurt that's why I refuse to understand.
Anyway, I guess I just have to accept the fact that whatever I have to say doesn't count. My feelings don't matter. I'll just let that be. If I lose friends along the way, then perhaps they are not meant to stay in my life forever.
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Sunday, June 8, 2014
Goodbyes Part 2
So what was that challenge I pose myself?
Well, I have been contemplating if I need to say goodbye too. I went through a very sad phase lately. It was a constant push and pull of the positives and the negatives of where I'm at right now. I guess it was evident in my previous entries.
Needless to say, I became unhappy with work, my immediate environment, and then people around me. I am the clingy type. It may not be evident but I am too dependent on people who's presence has been constant in my life. It would take me quite some time to get used to them not being around esp if they are still around. And it doesn't help that I am a jealous person. So all that combined made me want to leave. And I really thought that I was going to. Or make that I am still thinking it through.
Some people knew about this. And they have different views. There are those who wanted me to stay because I am still needed. There are those who supports my leaving if my stay wouldn't make me happy anymore. There are those who advise on thinking about my future. And there are those who simply supports whatever it is that my heart decides on.
I had an interview last week and I'd say that it went well. But it was clear that I wasn't ready to leave my current job. If I look into the deepest corners of my heart, I know I am at a place that would make me fulfill my life mission. That is to inspire/help people to meet their full potentials and at the same time meet mine too. I want that if I go up, i bring others along with me. I know I am struggling as to the how. Especially that most of the time I am overpowered by my emotions. But if I leave now, that would equate to giving up my mission.
I left the university not because I gave up but because I wanted to grow more so I can give more. And I was already able to see people moving towards reaching their potentials and I am happy to say that i have contributed even a little to that.If I leave my current company, I would leave without accomplishing my goal. If only i can get through one person in the team.
But why I am still pondering on saying goodbye despite not having accomplished my goal? I cannot be selfish to my family. My current earnings cannot suffice their needs. And I think I am quite a disappointment to them in that aspect. When most of my parents' friends lives lavishly because their children are earning so much, my parents still lives simply. I cannot give them everything that they want.
Oh well. I am lifting up everything to Him. All will be well. The right thing will eventually be decided upon.
Well, I have been contemplating if I need to say goodbye too. I went through a very sad phase lately. It was a constant push and pull of the positives and the negatives of where I'm at right now. I guess it was evident in my previous entries.
Needless to say, I became unhappy with work, my immediate environment, and then people around me. I am the clingy type. It may not be evident but I am too dependent on people who's presence has been constant in my life. It would take me quite some time to get used to them not being around esp if they are still around. And it doesn't help that I am a jealous person. So all that combined made me want to leave. And I really thought that I was going to. Or make that I am still thinking it through.
Some people knew about this. And they have different views. There are those who wanted me to stay because I am still needed. There are those who supports my leaving if my stay wouldn't make me happy anymore. There are those who advise on thinking about my future. And there are those who simply supports whatever it is that my heart decides on.
I had an interview last week and I'd say that it went well. But it was clear that I wasn't ready to leave my current job. If I look into the deepest corners of my heart, I know I am at a place that would make me fulfill my life mission. That is to inspire/help people to meet their full potentials and at the same time meet mine too. I want that if I go up, i bring others along with me. I know I am struggling as to the how. Especially that most of the time I am overpowered by my emotions. But if I leave now, that would equate to giving up my mission.
I left the university not because I gave up but because I wanted to grow more so I can give more. And I was already able to see people moving towards reaching their potentials and I am happy to say that i have contributed even a little to that.If I leave my current company, I would leave without accomplishing my goal. If only i can get through one person in the team.
But why I am still pondering on saying goodbye despite not having accomplished my goal? I cannot be selfish to my family. My current earnings cannot suffice their needs. And I think I am quite a disappointment to them in that aspect. When most of my parents' friends lives lavishly because their children are earning so much, my parents still lives simply. I cannot give them everything that they want.
Oh well. I am lifting up everything to Him. All will be well. The right thing will eventually be decided upon.
confrontation
I don't know how i fair when it comes to confrontation. What i am quite sure is that there are times that i just choose to keep things inside than "confront" a person. Which isn't good by the way because it can drain you. But sometimes you just have to. I just have to. When faced with too many evils, i just choose the lesser ones. And usually the lesser ones involves keeping all the hurt to myself.
Just this week, i got into a heated discussion with a close friend. It started with her teasing me and then the conversation just went out of bounds. I raised my voice and i didn't mind that there were others around.
I chose to drop the conversation. And i dont intend to talk about it anymore. I won't explain 'cause there is no point explaining. Perhaps, there are just some things that we cannot agree on. And there are just some things that no amount of explanation can make one understand.
And I would agree that this is wrong. I'm being stubborn, closed-minded, and whatsoever. And i will not defend my being one. And i don't expect to be understood.
And this is the lesser evil that I chose. But eventually i'll have to face that greater evil soon.
Just this week, i got into a heated discussion with a close friend. It started with her teasing me and then the conversation just went out of bounds. I raised my voice and i didn't mind that there were others around.
I chose to drop the conversation. And i dont intend to talk about it anymore. I won't explain 'cause there is no point explaining. Perhaps, there are just some things that we cannot agree on. And there are just some things that no amount of explanation can make one understand.
And I would agree that this is wrong. I'm being stubborn, closed-minded, and whatsoever. And i will not defend my being one. And i don't expect to be understood.
And this is the lesser evil that I chose. But eventually i'll have to face that greater evil soon.
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