He's the One

I'm a sucker for romantic movies. And at the very state I am in right now, I badly need a romantic movie to kick me out of the corner I am sulking right now. And yes, I didn't want to watch alone. I don't want to be that much of a loser. So I invited friends to watch She's the One. It's a typical story of best friends falling in love but too afraid to admit to each other that they do. That it took another person to come to their lives before they realized that they are meant for each other. But no matter how typical the story is, it was a fun movie. And again, it did help me to at least move a little from that corner I am sulking in.

I don't deny that I am at my lowest right now. I didn't expect that I would feel this low only because this person I long to be with doesn't give a damn about me. And that he deliberately makes me feel that I am a nobody. I know, I know, I shouldn't be going through this mess right now. But I am. And I know this is such a shit. I'm crazy. This is crazy. I am 29 and yet I don't act my age. From the start, I know he wouldn't feel the same way but I still pushed it. Crazy. Stupid. But I love him. If you come to think about it, I don't know why I am holding on. There are no moments to hold on to. There are no shared feelings to hold on to.

Perhaps I am just in this crazy habit of inflicting pain in myself. Emotional torture that is. The tears I cried last week was just too much that I don't want to feel that again. It's bad enough that he doesn't care. I need not subject myself to additional torture of crying over him. It's just too much.

I must keep in mind that he is one person who is not willing to move even a stone to understand how I feel and still remain friends. Am I too judgmental about him? Maybe yes. But I guess I need to be that brutal to save myself from any more pain.

If he's the one for me, then I guess everything will fall into place. But it didn't. So I guess he's not.

Oh well.