Pwede Mohilak?

wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. allow me to shout here....................

jdkashflkjsdghfkajshdgkjhs;gkvnjdhfg;lkshdf;klhasdkfgahskjgfkasjdhgasj Monday it is.

shfdksajhfiouwegh

until when

Grabe ka. Grabe ka. 

:(

moving on

The other day, out of the blue, a friend asked me why can't I move on. Is there something I am holding on to? I thought it was a joke because I don't remember talking to him about love problems. But he was serious. I didn't asked him why he asked that question. To my mind, perhaps he is undergoing the same thing. Perhaps, he's having difficulty moving on and letting go.

I had a hard time answering because generally, I am ok with my situation. I already have accepted the fact that I can never be loved back by the person I love. Just that sometimes, you get to reminisce, recollect, and you feel a certain something that is hard to explain. And my friend knows everytime I feel that certain something. Thus, his question.

This was my answer (verbatim):
--
Di ko ka explain why dili ko ka move on or ngano lisod. It's clesr that there's nothing to hold on to. Pero naa sya ani nga process: 
1. Love nimo sya and naa pa na gamay na basin... basin diay mada pa og change or balik if hatagan lang time.
Diha na daun mosingit na murag u hold on to thw words i like you or love you even if naa pa but after

2. Dili makamove on out of fear na basin wala na kay makita na kapareho esp if the person knows the real you. And naanad na ka.

3. Because naa sa immediate environment . Cge nimo makita tapos feeling nimo sya ra imo makaistorya.

Pero bottom line ani. Dili ko ka move on because i refuse to. And that refusal blinds me to fully accept na wala na jud future.

--

I'm not sure if that's really for me or I was reflecting on my friend's situation.

But if I really reflect on myself, mostly I am afraid. I am afraid that nobody can accept  me and love me for who I am. I admit that I am a very difficult person to love.

Oh well.

random question

ukay-ukay

It has been a while since I bought ukay-ukay. It's no secret that I don't frequent such places because I am "allergic" to dust and I can't tolerate the smell. It was fine when there was still night cafe in CDO because you don't have to literally ukay anymore.

Anyway, since the Korea trip is fast approaching and I don't want to spend too much on my "costumes" on that trip, I opted to ukay. I asked my friend to accompany me since she has more patience looking for good finds. Thankfully, we were able to find what we were looking for. Though we need to go back again to look for thicker jackets. Despite my body fat deposits, I have very low tolerance with cold weather.

One thing I realized today, looking for ukay ukay can be a less costly stress reliever. Haha. I just have to look for ukay places that are airconditioned and has manageable smell.

Until the next ukay session.

Bitaw

Currently at a videoke session but I am not enjoying.  Call me KJ.  I'm ok with that.  Anyway I am always branded as such.

I am not ok really.  I am just forcing myself to be out here.  Else,  I'll be sulking in that corner again and cry.

Call me petty.  Call me immature. And all that shit.  I am just not ok.  It's hard to be alone in a crowd.  It really feels like shit. So shitty.

kapoy

Exam 1

Yehey! I passed the exam. I didn't expect it but I was hoping. I remembered sincerely praying for it. I did study but I was so preoccupied during the exam proper. I called Bata right after the exam and told her that I was only sure of not more than 10 items.

Thank you Lord for this blessing. Looking forward to blessing others with this new opportunity.

Thank you Lord. You certainly know how to cheer me up when I am down.

Thank you also for the other blessing of knowing new people. I look forward to knowing them more and the community they are in.

:)

broken promise