moving on

The other day, out of the blue, a friend asked me why can't I move on. Is there something I am holding on to? I thought it was a joke because I don't remember talking to him about love problems. But he was serious. I didn't asked him why he asked that question. To my mind, perhaps he is undergoing the same thing. Perhaps, he's having difficulty moving on and letting go.

I had a hard time answering because generally, I am ok with my situation. I already have accepted the fact that I can never be loved back by the person I love. Just that sometimes, you get to reminisce, recollect, and you feel a certain something that is hard to explain. And my friend knows everytime I feel that certain something. Thus, his question.

This was my answer (verbatim):
--
Di ko ka explain why dili ko ka move on or ngano lisod. It's clesr that there's nothing to hold on to. Pero naa sya ani nga process: 
1. Love nimo sya and naa pa na gamay na basin... basin diay mada pa og change or balik if hatagan lang time.
Diha na daun mosingit na murag u hold on to thw words i like you or love you even if naa pa but after

2. Dili makamove on out of fear na basin wala na kay makita na kapareho esp if the person knows the real you. And naanad na ka.

3. Because naa sa immediate environment . Cge nimo makita tapos feeling nimo sya ra imo makaistorya.

Pero bottom line ani. Dili ko ka move on because i refuse to. And that refusal blinds me to fully accept na wala na jud future.

--

I'm not sure if that's really for me or I was reflecting on my friend's situation.

But if I really reflect on myself, mostly I am afraid. I am afraid that nobody can accept  me and love me for who I am. I admit that I am a very difficult person to love.

Oh well.