I'm often told that I should hurry love because I am not getting any younger anymore. I'll be 30 this year. I can agree with them but I can also not.
I am already pass that stage of desperation. Of questioning why I am not quite successful in this particular aspect of my life. While my friends are already busy with marriage and kids, I am yet to start with relationhips. Again, I already have accepted that there will be really be someone meant for me. And yes, I pray about it.
Someone came, problem is, ours is a big case of bad timing. No need to elaborate. That's why I cried my heart out while watching she's dating the gangster. Timing is indeed a bitch in our case.
I understand though. I cannot force things esp those I cannot control. I can only pray.
I told that someone that I am not in a hurry. I just know who I want. And I don't care if I break the norms. Who says women can't pursue men?
But the again, I am factoring in the considerations he made. I can care. I can love. I can. But I can only do as much as I am allowed to.
My prince, I may have needed t-ice's power to talk to you that night, I'm happy that we talked. And yes, I remember everything that we talked about. I trust your words. And yes, I am still hoping for some miracle to happen. That you eventually change your mind. And give us another chance.
'Til next time! My heart is at peace. I don't regret going after you to get that hug. It was therapeutic. :)
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Sunday, August 3, 2014
apology
I'M SORRY.
I know that what I wrote affected you. You wont text if it didn't. I cannot take it back anymore. I can only apologize. And I will apologize again when we see each other.
I hope you'll allow me to explain why I had that impression.
And until we talk, I will look back at those moments that I failed to consider when I said what I said.
I am sorry Prince.
I know that what I wrote affected you. You wont text if it didn't. I cannot take it back anymore. I can only apologize. And I will apologize again when we see each other.
I hope you'll allow me to explain why I had that impression.
And until we talk, I will look back at those moments that I failed to consider when I said what I said.
I am sorry Prince.
Mahal
MAHAL... it's a cute endearment. And it's an endearment used by bo's and his new love. I don't know their love story. We haven't had the chance to talk about it. And i am not also sure if he is willing to share.
Why write about this all of a sudden? I was just reminded because of MMK. It's actually an episode about the process of moving on. And I actually can relate. I think I am still in the process.
Bo's went through a failed relationship which I don't know the story too. But having his mahal right now, he must have moved on already. And as a friend, i am happy for him.
And I am also looking forward to that time that I'll eventually have that new love. As I have shared in my previous posts, I recently had my heart broken. It just sinked in to me that I was sort of dumped. And in a way was played at.
I already passed the stage of being mad and being in denial. I just am not so sure at what stage I am right now. I just overshadow what I truly feel because of everything that happened with my parents.
Many would say that it should be easy to move on. I wasn't in a relationship in the first place. And there are not much memories to hold on to. And it was recently revealed that everything could have been a lie.
So why am I having a hard time? Is it because of my stubbornness? Is it because I want revenge? I am having a hard time because I trusted the person. He knew what I went through with my past heartaches. And in fairness to me, I did my best to not do those things that caused me to push people away.
I trusted him enough to not question his sincerity.
Perhaps I was blinded. Perhaps I assumed too much. Perhaps I am to be blamed too.
Hopefully, after this I can truly move forward. And I sincerely pray that the next person that I will fall in love with or develop a liking to, wilk not play with my feelings. I am too old for that already.
And just like the prayer of that girl in MMK, I pray that I'll find that someone I am meant to spend the rest of my life with. I also pray that I won't give up on loving.
Why write about this all of a sudden? I was just reminded because of MMK. It's actually an episode about the process of moving on. And I actually can relate. I think I am still in the process.
Bo's went through a failed relationship which I don't know the story too. But having his mahal right now, he must have moved on already. And as a friend, i am happy for him.
And I am also looking forward to that time that I'll eventually have that new love. As I have shared in my previous posts, I recently had my heart broken. It just sinked in to me that I was sort of dumped. And in a way was played at.
I already passed the stage of being mad and being in denial. I just am not so sure at what stage I am right now. I just overshadow what I truly feel because of everything that happened with my parents.
Many would say that it should be easy to move on. I wasn't in a relationship in the first place. And there are not much memories to hold on to. And it was recently revealed that everything could have been a lie.
So why am I having a hard time? Is it because of my stubbornness? Is it because I want revenge? I am having a hard time because I trusted the person. He knew what I went through with my past heartaches. And in fairness to me, I did my best to not do those things that caused me to push people away.
I trusted him enough to not question his sincerity.
Perhaps I was blinded. Perhaps I assumed too much. Perhaps I am to be blamed too.
Hopefully, after this I can truly move forward. And I sincerely pray that the next person that I will fall in love with or develop a liking to, wilk not play with my feelings. I am too old for that already.
And just like the prayer of that girl in MMK, I pray that I'll find that someone I am meant to spend the rest of my life with. I also pray that I won't give up on loving.
Saturday, July 26, 2014
SHIT
I was supposed to post something in FB that has a lot of the word shit in it. Unfortunately my net connection didn't allow me to. Posting failed and I wasn't able to retrieve it. And funny enough, I can't remember the exact words I used. I tried to recompose but can't. I can't recreate the impact. Haha
It was something like this though...
"I dont see the logic of bragging about doing something then complaining about it. It's like telling the world that you are proud of eating shit but complains about eating it. Esp if one does it again and again. At the end of the day, one gets rewarded not by eating the shit but from learning from it. And if one does it again, he must not complain after"
We were given the gift of freewill. We always have a choice. If our choice doesn't do us any good, then understandable. We are bound to make mistakes. But if we make the same choice again, then we must face the consequences. We must not complain.
I don't deny that I am a complainer (I'm not sure of the term). But I don't complain about the things that I wasn't forced to do. I made my choice after all.
It is not for me to judge others. But I sincerely pray for those people I am referring to. It is time for them to grow.
It was something like this though...
"I dont see the logic of bragging about doing something then complaining about it. It's like telling the world that you are proud of eating shit but complains about eating it. Esp if one does it again and again. At the end of the day, one gets rewarded not by eating the shit but from learning from it. And if one does it again, he must not complain after"
We were given the gift of freewill. We always have a choice. If our choice doesn't do us any good, then understandable. We are bound to make mistakes. But if we make the same choice again, then we must face the consequences. We must not complain.
I don't deny that I am a complainer (I'm not sure of the term). But I don't complain about the things that I wasn't forced to do. I made my choice after all.
It is not for me to judge others. But I sincerely pray for those people I am referring to. It is time for them to grow.
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Gratitude
This is a long overdue post. I've been very busy with work since I've been away for more than two weeks. And the exhaustion from that time got the best of me. I was eager to post negativity than the positivity of the gratitude I was feeling.
A month ago, my strength as a person and as a believer was really tested. Both my parents were diagnosed with medical conditions that needs immediate attention and a good amount of money which my insurance can't cover. I was really lost at first. Being an only child in this kind of situation is tough. I don't have the money and I can't work because I need to take care of them. But fast forward to today, we were able to went through all that. I am back to work and my parents are recovering. We were even able to celebrate Mama's birthday and have a simple thanksgiving.
As I look back, I guess I could say that I am very fortunate to have the people around me right now. And as a friend told me, I might have done something good to be blessed with those people who helped us through that tough time. I am really just amazed. And I really am thankful.
Even without my asking for financial aid, my AGS family and my FISHES friends readily shell out money for support. Their financial aid would sum up to almost a session for my mother. And I was able to extend that help also to those I met at the hospital who does not have money for food and medicine.
More than that, I am also grateful for my friends who visited and readily offered help for medicines in case needed.
For family especially. Our family in CDO is not big and we don't gather often esp that Mama's cousin is working abroad and is seldom here. I'm grateful for the connections he have. We were able to schedule Papa for operation immediately and we were given big discounts. We were able to spend only a fraction of what we could have spent in another hospital. Though the hospital wasn't as comfortable, at least my father was properly taken cared of.
One thing that I think I have proven with what we went through is the power of collective/communal prayer. If there was one thing I asked from friends, that was to help me pray. And I even asked my WAF family to pray for us also.
I am really just thankful to everyone who supported us and were with us. I don't care if I have a huge amount of debt. I can just find the money. But the comfort of my parents is priceless.
I trust in Him that he will not allow Papa's cancer to spread and he will allow Mama to still see for a long period of time.
THANK YOU!
THANK YOU LORD!
A month ago, my strength as a person and as a believer was really tested. Both my parents were diagnosed with medical conditions that needs immediate attention and a good amount of money which my insurance can't cover. I was really lost at first. Being an only child in this kind of situation is tough. I don't have the money and I can't work because I need to take care of them. But fast forward to today, we were able to went through all that. I am back to work and my parents are recovering. We were even able to celebrate Mama's birthday and have a simple thanksgiving.
As I look back, I guess I could say that I am very fortunate to have the people around me right now. And as a friend told me, I might have done something good to be blessed with those people who helped us through that tough time. I am really just amazed. And I really am thankful.
Even without my asking for financial aid, my AGS family and my FISHES friends readily shell out money for support. Their financial aid would sum up to almost a session for my mother. And I was able to extend that help also to those I met at the hospital who does not have money for food and medicine.
More than that, I am also grateful for my friends who visited and readily offered help for medicines in case needed.
For family especially. Our family in CDO is not big and we don't gather often esp that Mama's cousin is working abroad and is seldom here. I'm grateful for the connections he have. We were able to schedule Papa for operation immediately and we were given big discounts. We were able to spend only a fraction of what we could have spent in another hospital. Though the hospital wasn't as comfortable, at least my father was properly taken cared of.
One thing that I think I have proven with what we went through is the power of collective/communal prayer. If there was one thing I asked from friends, that was to help me pray. And I even asked my WAF family to pray for us also.
I am really just thankful to everyone who supported us and were with us. I don't care if I have a huge amount of debt. I can just find the money. But the comfort of my parents is priceless.
I trust in Him that he will not allow Papa's cancer to spread and he will allow Mama to still see for a long period of time.
THANK YOU!
THANK YOU LORD!
Saturday, July 19, 2014
TRUST
TRUST... indeed is a big word.
I easily trust people. It really is my nature. I always believe in people's goodness. After all, that should be everyone's default state. But I learned the hard way that goodness and trustworthiness does not necessarily go hand in hand. While a person may be good, there are certain things he cannot be trusted with. Or make that, others can trust him but you can't because he is simply not loyal to you.
It is just so sad that there are again people I cannot trust. But oh well, at least I learned earlier. Not much harm done.
I easily trust people. It really is my nature. I always believe in people's goodness. After all, that should be everyone's default state. But I learned the hard way that goodness and trustworthiness does not necessarily go hand in hand. While a person may be good, there are certain things he cannot be trusted with. Or make that, others can trust him but you can't because he is simply not loyal to you.
It is just so sad that there are again people I cannot trust. But oh well, at least I learned earlier. Not much harm done.
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
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