It's been almost a week since he left. And I wouldn't deny that it was quite a week. It's hard to be alone. Our goodbye was quite awkward. I wanted to hug him but I know it would be wrong. I gave him a gift and a letter. The book wasn't very personal, that's why I chose it. But the letter, I tried to make it less personal but I guess I failed. I didn't declare love on that letter though. I was just very honest in saying how sad I was that he'll be away for quite a while. And at a point I think I went overboard. I want to apologize to him for I caused him some discomfort but I didn't want to push it because he didn't talk about the letter. In fact, he only mentioned it once. And we never had any long conversation this week. He didn't even bother asking me how I was. Again, even if he's far away he'd have time for the others around me, except me.
I'm in a difficult phase right now. I have never felt so alone. But then again I cannot dwell on this.
What I really wanted to say in that letter is "I love you. There are no other better words that can express why I care for you like I do. I'm sad that you're leaving because I already learned to depend on your company. Of course I know that you don't feel the same way and there's not even the slightest possibility that you will. But just the same, I love you. I just hope you won't take it against me."
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