bad dream

I woke up today because of a bad dream. And i still can feel the anger i felt in that dream. My dream showed me something that i pray will never happen. Perhaps i am just so not sold to the idea that it manifested in my dream.

It breaks my heart to see my friend go through the pain she's going through. It breaks me more that she allows it to happen just to not lose someone. She said she's already ok and have moved on. I pray that she already did but her actions says otherwise.

It became an unspoken  rule between us to not talk about it. We end up fighting because of it. It's clear that I don't support whatever it is that they have. And it's true that if fate allows that they'd be together, I would be out of the picture. Call me a shallow friend but that's what I want to stand for.

Perhaps I just don't understand. Or perhaps I refuse to understand. But I see why my friend is so smitten and in love with the other person. She sees in her the person who can complete her. The person who can fill in the missing pieces in her life. Unfortunately, that person has someone else.

And that's where the complication comes in. If it were another person, why not?
 She can't let go. And she'd go miles for that person. She'd hurt (unknowingly) those who cares for her to give the world to that person. And she might not know it, she's squeezing lemon to her wounds.

And in my dream, she betrayed friends because of that person. But then she still ended up broken. I was so angry. And i may not say it, i really am mad. But i had to keep my cool. I cannot talk to the other person. That's why as much as possible I try to avoid. I'm very bad when I explode.

I pray for that dream to never happen. But with the way things are going, it's bound to happen. I can see a lot of betrayal coming. And where will I be in that picture? I'll be a friend to the other and I pray not to be an enemy of the other person.

Pls guide my friend Lord.

promotion

Today, I learned that finally my recommendation for promotion of two BACs was approved. I should be happy. In a way, I am. It was a reward after all for prior efforts made. I am just worried though. I had high hopes with the two. I thought that I can develop them to be leads. Now, I am not so sure anymore.

And this is a failure on my part as their lead. I was supposed to guide them and help them achieve what they aim for while in the company. I was supposed to help them grow. I was supposed to know what they need to develop. My efforts just fell short.

Hopefully, this time, my efforts will create the desired results. I'm changing tactics.

Blahhhh

When time spent does not match output. Unsaon ko mani? Madisappoint lang ko. Kanang, di ko kasabot kung paspas lang jud kung ako mag trabaho? or dili lang jud ga mind ang people sa ilang oras. 

makalisang. or daghan lang jud kabilinggan mga tao na ginasingit sa trabaho,

makalisang. dani lang ko magyaw yaw... wala bitaw makabasa. lol. feeling ra ba daun sa mga tao sila ang ginapadungog dungog. isumbong daun ko sa akong boss.

hahays,

over eating on a Sunday.

I really need to have another diversion when stressed. I admit I do stress eat. I eat even if I am not hungry. And all the weight I lost last week, I regain this week. I'm stressed. Yes, I am saying it again. To over emphasize, i'm stressed.

What's causing this? Work. I already did something with the work environment thingy and it's not stressing me anymore. There are just so many things to do. I have time but others don't. When your work is dependent on others, even ifyou have the time you can't start until they are finished. And by the time they finishe, there will be a lot of things on your plate that time will not be sufficient anymore.

I don't want to get stressed because I get fatter. And that's an added stress as I want to work my way to become healthy.

Yea, yeah,it is all up to me. I can destress thru exercise, that's hitting two birds with one stone.

Will start tomorrow. I will be 30 soon. So I really need to be healthy.

the broken tv

Our tv in cdo was broken. Since we cannot afford to buy a new one, i pushed my parents to have it fixed. But even if it can be fixed, i know they still want to buy new.

If i can afford, then why not. I know it's one thing that can make their lives a little less boring. It pains me to not be able to provide that for them. Times like this, i feel such a disappointment.

Hays.

taming ivy

It took me 2hrs to compose an email. I asked 3 people to review it prior sending. It was critical. I want to put some sense to people without being offensive and I don't want to be an added burden to my boss. It was, per feedback, very maldita. I reconstructed it and became more acceptable.

Though I already anticipated a negative respond, it was just unbelievable. I don't know if I am just exaggerating because I'm too pissed. But I became more disappointed than pacified with the response. I told my boss that I wouldnt respond until I was able to cool down. Good thing my boss understood. He was the one who responded instead.

It actually is an unnecessary burden for me right now. I have so many things to do.

This is just so unfortunate. I really don't want my bad side triggered, esp if I have stretched my patience to the maximum level. It's difficult to tame myself. And I cannot afford to focus my energy on that. Id rather focus on the betterment of the BACs and the projects.

Oh well.

Very Low

As a lead, I learned that I should be careful with facebook posts esp if it is related to work. I was reprimanded several times by Jr. Though I firmly believe that I should be free to post whatever I want, I discipline myself not to. Focus nalang sa gugma post. Sometimes though unintentionally, I rant esp if I get too tired.

But I did not expect for people to be very low and report me to my boss of a specific post na sila daw ginapadungog dungog. My first question was, which post? I reviewed my timeline and there was nothing there referring to those people. Ana sila ka guilty?

To really hit me that low? Wow. Just wow. Unbelievable people.

Now they are requesting heaven and earth for a specific project just to clean their mess. Why would my team suffer for the mistake they make? Can't they just admit that they made a mistake and move forward? This is too tiring already. I have other things to do.