Still Waters Run Deep

I had this conversation with a friend last night. We may not be exactly in the same circumstance but we are going through the same thing. Only that, I can control more my emotions more than her. How unfair life can be sometimes? Why can't we have the ones we love? Why do we fall for people who can't love us back? And why do we hold on even if there's nothing to hold on to?

I have answers to these questions for myself but then again even with the answers I still can't stop myself from loving the person who can't love me back. Perhaps, I am more comfortable that way. I am more afraid to be hurt by the ones who love me. In the case of Bo's, I truly loved him. I was really in love with him. It wasn't a case of a mistaken love. In RG's case, I love him but perhaps it's because he is near. He's a constant companion. And maybe just maybe,  I mistakenly took this friendly-love affection as more. Yes, I do care for him like I care for the rest of my friends. But maybe I care for him more because I can actually show it. I am just controlling my emotions so that the feeling won't be nourished and won't turn to truly being in love with him. And yes, I am talking about this since it would be dangerous if I just keep it inside. Still waters run deep, they say.

I had the courage to tell Bo's that I love him because the emotion was strong and I know that he's someone who can understand. I cannot tell RG because he definitely can't. He'd rather be not friends with me that know that I love him. He's that person.

But despite this confusion I am going through right now, I'm happy because I chose to be. As a friend commented, I look happy. That great love meant for me will come soon. I just know it will.