the last time

I know I have a very uncommon stand regarding letting my feelings known. If I like you or I love you, I tell you in whatever way possible. And just like what a friend commented, I tell almost everyone. It's not to put pressure on the person I love. It's just me sharing to everyone the love and the happiness that I feel. Or even perhaps the pain if it comes to that.

And I guess I am quite fortunate to have loved people who understood. That even if I keep on repeating the same things over and over or even if I follow he same cycle, they are still there. And can be brutally honest with me if they get tired of listening.

Last night, I asked/requested to speak to someone. It took a lot of courage for me to ask that. But I know I needed to. With all the unrequited love experience I've had, I know that I cannot forever hold on to something that isn't there. You just have to accept that the person can only love you as much. And that much will never be the kind you are longing for.

I don't regret that I asked for that conversation. I don't regret that I let my feelings known. I don't regret asking for a second chance. At least I tried.

And this will be the last time I'll talk about this or about him. Unless, of course, if I am asked or if circumstances change.

I know that he will stay. He promised. And I hold on to that promise.

And my holding on to that means finally letting go of that wish for some miracle to happen and finally accepting that he cannot give me that.

It wouldn't be easy. It was and never will. But I have to try. At the end of the day, what matters is that I loved and learned to let it go.