Thrilled

Funny how at times you get to be that high school girl who goes crushing. Me and my officemate had this moment yesterday when an unexpected colleague from Makati arrived. He is not super handsome but suffice to say that "pwede na". Hahaha. And since we don't get to have those many moments in the office anymore and because of the pressures, we gave our attention to him. And the match making process began. I know it was just for fun and I don't take it seriously and that guy is attached. I just love the fact that I can still go crushing, I am not numb after all. And I am still capable of fun.

I just pray that there will be many more moments like yesterday. I mean, it's different when you work with a smile on your face. :)

Empty Chairs and Empty Tables

When I first heard this song, it somehow gave a heavy feeling because it speaks of grief. It must have been  so hard for that character to be the only one alive while all the rest of his comrades are dead. I don't know if there are cases like this today but I'm sure somewhere, someone in the world right now is grieving. I don't know if I grieve but I know there are feelings that can't be spoken and there's a pain that goes on and on.

I don't want to dwell on that though. I'd like to think that I don't allow my emotions to rule me anymore. Yes, I suppress them but at least I can still find my release. Today, I officially started hitting the gym. And it's fun to do it with friends. I had fun. And for sure the next days will be more fun. Doing this breaks the monotony of my life and makes me appreciate more what I have and makes me look forward to what's to come.

Today, I became a friend to someone who needed one. Even if I am away and we didn't see each other, I am glad that I was able to help and be the listening ear. Moments like this makes me appreciate more the person that I am. I am not perfect but I am glad that I can be there for those who needs me.

Empty chairs and empty tables, this pain will not be forever.

Free Writing at The Airport

This is my first plane ride for 2013. I can say that I am excited because finally I can get away from client pressures in CDO. Though I know what will welcome me in Cebu are another set of pressures, it's ok. At least there I have others who can share the pressure. I won't be all alone.

But if you asked me if I am excited like it's my first time to ride a plane? I am not. Perhaps I already got used to it that I don't get excited anymore. What will excite me is the thought that the plane ride will lead me to that person  but that's not going to happen. And I already have accepted that fact. There will be no plane rides that will lead me to him and there will be no plane rides that will lead him to me. And it is time that I let go. And I am starting the process. Though I am not quite sure that I am doing it right. I am suppressing a lot of emotions that could lead me to exploding anytime soon. But baby steps, baby steps. I will get there.

What I should look forward to are the plane rides that will get me to my destined destination. And I should prepare myself for that moment.

When Laziness Strike

IT's not a workday but I have work. And I don't want to go to work because my body is dead tired. My brain is dead tired from all the work since the year started. I badly need to rest but then again I can't. Though I'll always have a choice, I chose to work still because others depend on it. I don't want to let them down because I don't want to be let down too.

I admit I am lazy. And in my laziest days funny how I can still be productive. Ironic isn't it? Perhaps I cannot not do anything. It somehow feels wrong.

I am quite amazed how my brain works when I decide to be lazy. It can give me the solution to some report formula problems I have. Maybe my brain refuses to work when I force it to work. That's why it gives me the answer when I just chill. Though this may not always be the case, I am just amazed.

Well, I just hope that in my laziest days my brain would also give the answers to personal questions that I cannot answer on ordinary days. Yeah, my mind is still hazy when it comes to certain issues I have.

Surprise Me

I love surprises. Who doesn't? Well, sweet surprises that is. If I think about it, I feel a certain high. How much more if it is really happening. I haven't been surprised. Yeah, there are unexpected blessings that came but I haven't been surprised surprise. And just like any other girl, I am hoping for that moment to come.

It's almost Valentine's day and my friends' posts are already referring to it. There are even bitter posts because they are celebrating it alone or as singles.  Me? I am not thinking yet of what I'm gonna do on that day. Well, it will just be another day.

In the past, I've always looked forward  to Valentine's. I want the biggest surprise of my life to come on that day. But as the years passed, I've learned to cut that crap out. It's hard enough to be left out because everyone is celebrating it with their partners then that feeling of a failed hope adds up.

But then I'll always be me. It may not come on Valentine's but I still pray to have that biggest surprise of my life.

Surprise me?

Crystal

If everything in life is as clear as crystal then there won't be any conflicts, misunderstanding, and confusion. But then it's not. Even the clearest things sometimes aren't clear to those meant to see it. You need to go through the haziness to be able to see.

Why am I writing this now? Well, I just remembered how the term crystal was used in my current movie addiction, Pitch Perfect. And I remember how my high school accounting teacher asked us to respond crystal when she'd asked if her discussion was clear.

If I could just respond crystal to every question thrown at me regarding how I feel, where I'm headed, who I see, I would shout it. But my mind is so clouded and I am confused. And for the first time in a while I just want to leave it at that. Hazy. I don't have the energy to clear my mind of things that's why I just cloud it all the more. Is it healthy? I know it's not. But I can still breathe. I threw up all my stresses a while ago. And maybe that's enough for now.

Sometimes it pays not to think too much.

Clear? Crystal.

Little Things

I was reminded of this One Direction song by a friend.  I knew of this song last year and was kinda addicted with it. I can't say that I still am addicted to it but suffice to say that I asked a friend to download the song for me earlier today. It's a nice song , nice melody, meaningful lyrics plus it was sang by cute guys. Haha But more than, this song can actually heighten ones emotion when in love. It can make one wanna fall in love. It can even destress you. I can't memorize the lyrics of the song but it can be summed up with this  - All the little things you do, adds up to who you are.

And it's true. All the gestures, the habits, what you do, what you say, that's you. And you're fortunate if you find people who will accept and love you with all those little things. So if you find those, never let them go.