That Moment

I had a very bad headache this morning. But since I can't absent from work, I had to go despite. I almost exploded from the pressures earlier today. To me it wasn't at all fair that I was all alone supporting a client and when you needed help, you can't ask for it because you were dumbfounded to know that the person you needed help from already resigned. Good thing though that he still responded to the call.

But you see, this is one of those moments when you just want to give up. I needed to calm myself because I almost shouted at everyone and cursed. I desperately needed someone who doesn't have a single idea of what was going on. Someone who doesn't feel the way I feel. Someone who isn't privy to the situation. I JUST GOT THE BIGGEST INSULT TO MY PROFESSION/CAREER/POST today.

This is just one of those moments that I can't take a positive outlook.

On a lighter side though, I thank that friend who asked me how my day was. I really do hope that we can have a longer conversation soon. I miss the talks.

Goobye

There's this line in a teleserye I am addicted to, "Wish granted my Princess.Goodbye". I so loved it that I posted it as a status in facebook but changed "princess" to "prince".  I hope it is just so easy to deliver that line. That after all that you have been through, you can easily say it and truly mean it. But reality is, it's not. And oftentimes when we say it outright, we don't  really mean it. Just to make it clear, the wish was for the guy to forget the girl.

But do I really mean it when I posted it? YES. I may not have termed it that way but I already told my prince that his wish was granted. His wish may not be explicit but I understood. I have to forget that he is my prince because I can never be his princess.

Though there are moments that I forget. After all, it had been 3 years. In times like that, I just hold on to the promise I made myself. The promise to free my heart from any romantic inclination I have. I need to remind myself that I need to depend on me.

I know where I stand.

Weight Loss Challenge

Today, I registered in a weight loss challenge (WLC) contest. Though I know I would be disqualified later on because I won't be able to finish, I registered just the same. I registered just for the fun of joining. And the benefits of the lectures of course. It is also to help me with the weight loss program I have set for myself.  Honestly, I am already at the verge of giving up. There's just so many things running in my head that I need food's comfort. I already want to binge. But I am really fighting that urge to give up. You see, there's more to this WLC. I know I need to lose weight but what I need to lose most is the bigger weight that I am carrying.

D.T.W. (Drained.Tired.Whatever.)

Data Transfer Workbench that's what DTW stands for in my line of work. It a tool to import files to a system. It is designed for convenience actually. But if you encounter a lot of errors while uploading then it ceases to be convenient. In fact, it can be one big stressor. Lucky for me, I somehow learned my way through it that's why I don't encounter much errors anymore. It will then just depend on how clean the file I'm using.

That Question

I was asked this question yesterday. It was just a simple question and I know the answer but I somehow kinda played dumb and pretended not to know. Maybe it was because of the person who asked it or maybe it was because how the question was delivered or simply because it was a question I don't want to confirm.

But after a day's thought, I realized that if I'll be asked that question again, I can honestly answer I don't know. Because the assumption made in that question is something I really don't know. And I don't intend to know. That person who asked that question is just prying some information from me. He didn't even realize that the question was so insensitive. Well, what else is new. I know he is as crushed as I am. I don't know how he's taking it but I really don't care. I don't care anymore.

Stressors

Early today I prayed for a stress-free day and a stress-free week. Yet, even before I started my day, something happened that caused me to be late for work. Imagine, making the owner and other consultants wait. I just can imagine how frustrated they were. Anyway, since the day didn't start right so the rest of the day weren't. We had a very late lunch. Client server doesn't work. I needed to support other clients while listening to a discussion (talk about super multi-tasking). I was supposed to do something tonight but there's no electricity. My laptop can only last an hour. And to top it all, I got so worried for a friend and yet there's nothing I can do. I don't know what had happened and I don't know how he is. All I can do is wait for an update and pray that he is alright.

So talk about a stress free day.

The Need to be Alone

No matter the need to be with company, there are moments when one needs to be alone and just be still. It's not a way of pushing people away but somehow a way to keep one's sanity. There are times when one just have to deal with oneself without having to explain or talk to or be with someone.