The Need to be Alone

No matter the need to be with company, there are moments when one needs to be alone and just be still. It's not a way of pushing people away but somehow a way to keep one's sanity. There are times when one just have to deal with oneself without having to explain or talk to or be with someone.



Lately, I am like that most of the time. Though, I always want to be with friends, to have people to talk to and not be alone. I just have those moments when I just want to be by myself and not talk to anyone. I'd like to deal with myself alone. It somehow became a defense mechanism of not relying on anyone for me to get through. Am I being unfair to those who wants to be there for me? Am I not allowing others to comfort me? Am I being selfish for keeping everything to myself? I guess I am not. Because whenever I have these alone times, I acknowledge that I have people around me who would readily be there when I need them, no questions asked. I know that there are willing comforters when I need comforting. And I know that sometimes I just need to keep my mouth shut to truly assess what it is that I truly feel. And even if there are no words said, I know I have willing and able listeners.

Perhaps people often see me as forever alone. Yes, I am not in a relationship. Yes, most of my friends are away and those who are near also have lives to lead. But I know I am not. I still have them in my life. And I don't need physical presence for a reassurance. I know in my heart that they love and care for me as much as I love them and care for them.

:)