Surprise Me

I love surprises. Who doesn't? Well, sweet surprises that is. If I think about it, I feel a certain high. How much more if it is really happening. I haven't been surprised. Yeah, there are unexpected blessings that came but I haven't been surprised surprise. And just like any other girl, I am hoping for that moment to come.

It's almost Valentine's day and my friends' posts are already referring to it. There are even bitter posts because they are celebrating it alone or as singles.  Me? I am not thinking yet of what I'm gonna do on that day. Well, it will just be another day.

In the past, I've always looked forward  to Valentine's. I want the biggest surprise of my life to come on that day. But as the years passed, I've learned to cut that crap out. It's hard enough to be left out because everyone is celebrating it with their partners then that feeling of a failed hope adds up.

But then I'll always be me. It may not come on Valentine's but I still pray to have that biggest surprise of my life.

Surprise me?

Crystal

If everything in life is as clear as crystal then there won't be any conflicts, misunderstanding, and confusion. But then it's not. Even the clearest things sometimes aren't clear to those meant to see it. You need to go through the haziness to be able to see.

Why am I writing this now? Well, I just remembered how the term crystal was used in my current movie addiction, Pitch Perfect. And I remember how my high school accounting teacher asked us to respond crystal when she'd asked if her discussion was clear.

If I could just respond crystal to every question thrown at me regarding how I feel, where I'm headed, who I see, I would shout it. But my mind is so clouded and I am confused. And for the first time in a while I just want to leave it at that. Hazy. I don't have the energy to clear my mind of things that's why I just cloud it all the more. Is it healthy? I know it's not. But I can still breathe. I threw up all my stresses a while ago. And maybe that's enough for now.

Sometimes it pays not to think too much.

Clear? Crystal.

Little Things

I was reminded of this One Direction song by a friend.  I knew of this song last year and was kinda addicted with it. I can't say that I still am addicted to it but suffice to say that I asked a friend to download the song for me earlier today. It's a nice song , nice melody, meaningful lyrics plus it was sang by cute guys. Haha But more than, this song can actually heighten ones emotion when in love. It can make one wanna fall in love. It can even destress you. I can't memorize the lyrics of the song but it can be summed up with this  - All the little things you do, adds up to who you are.

And it's true. All the gestures, the habits, what you do, what you say, that's you. And you're fortunate if you find people who will accept and love you with all those little things. So if you find those, never let them go.

Crush

I had a very funny experience today that it took me quite a while to recover. Those who saw me smiling at nothing perhaps thought I was crazy. I bumped into someone I haven't saw in a while. We text once in a while and we even planned on seeing each other before I leave for Cebu. That encounter just took us by surprise that we literally just stood there speechless. We didn't know what to say to each other. It's really funny. He even texted me after that he really went blank. Hahaha And honestly, I went blank too. He's so handsome. :P

Oh well, just goes to show that I still have that tween Ivy who can go "crushing". I hope I didn't blush cause that would have been too embarrassing. :)

Funny how once in a while you get reminded of the feelings you once had or the things you did because of those feelings. I remember how I went gaga over that guy. And though I was stunned when I saw him earlier, I know I don't have those feelings anymore. I just can't help but smile about it.

I guess it's part of life's cycle to get attracted to people. It allows you to discover what tickles you and what doesn't. It allows your heart to jump, gives you unforgettable moments. Most esp it allows you to grow.

Though I was already a grown up when I had a crush on this guy, it still gave me something to learn from.  So what was it I learned? Well, when I get physically attracted to a guy (first), I don't fall in love with him. :P

Pitch Perfect

What I am doing is really OA. Since Saturday, I guess there was never a day that I didn't watch Pitch Perfect. And there were days that I watched it more than once. And while I am writing this, I am playing the movie, my fourth time today. It's crazy really.

But why I am playing the movie over and over? It's not a romantic movie that I am a sucker for. I don't know the stars. I guess it's because it's just a chill movie. Being a musicale and sort of comedy. I like playing it again and again even to the point of making it a radio drama because I can't watch movie at work. It keeps my mind of something that I shouldn't be thinking about because it will just make me do crazy things.

I am glad that I came across this movie at this time. With my LSSing, my mind has something to work on. It saves me from all the drama that I am going through. Until when will this continue? I guess, until that time that I can laugh all of these things.

On to my LSSing. And oh thank you to that dvd vendor who suggested this movie.

Unjust Rejection

A teleserye character coined Unjust Rejection as a possible case to be filed against someone who deliberately ignores her. And I liked the idea. Some people can be so harsh that they deliberately ignore you as a way of rejecting you. Of course, just like any cases, there must be proper grounds. But I am not to talk of the grounds. I am just to talk of how it feels of to deliberately ignored and rejected. And it's bad, real bad.

There were a lot of moments when people special to me made me feel this way. And it was such a low blow to my being that I felt so low. And it took me some time to fully understand why I was ignored and rejected.

Not all we give to people are accepted or welcomed. It can sometimes be overwhelming that they can't take it. And as givers, we must understand that and must not take it as rejection. Of course, it feels like that but we must not see it that way. Too confusing? Yes, when you are at that moment it feels that way. Only time can help you understand. Pushing too much can be hard on the recipient too that the easiest way to deal with you is just to ignore you. 

I just hope that those who rejects and ignores makes it a point to somehow explain or say something before doing it. There may be people who are too pushy that even if they've been told, still they won't stop but there are also those who would understand and stop. In this, I guess, how people know each other plays an important role. Again, we can ignore and reject those who still bother us despite being told. But we must not reject and ignore those we consider as important and special to us, because ignoring them isn't the best way to deal. It will make them feel bad. And it will make you feel worse. And that's worst.

Long Walks

A friend posted yesterday re taking a long walk to home.  I instantly commented on how I miss taking such walks. Long walks are like bus rides to me. It allows me to think. It allows me to  assess how I am and how I truly feel. It allows me to dream.

It has been a while since I had a long bus ride and a long walk.  Although it doesn't mean that I hadn't had the time to think because I did and I have to. It's just different when you actually do the thinking while walking and seeing different scenes and people along the way. Not to mention the dirt, the dusts, the heat, the wind, etc. This may sound exaggerated but it's real. It keeps me so grounded that my reasoning is not clouded. Thus, I think right.

If long walks and bus rides do this to me, i hope others may find their own bus rides and long walks too. It may not be evident, but oftentimes we are caught in a situation where we need reassessing. We need to check on where we are and where we are headed. We need to stop and think. But in this fast-paced world, it's hard to find that solemn moment when we can truly discern.

 And so it is important that once in a while we get to take our own long walks and bus rides. After all, in the end what we aim for is to be where we should be.