Somebody's Me... I just heard this song earlier today and I can't stop listening to it. I have it on repeat right now actually. I am just so drawn to the song. Perhaps it points out to some of the feelings I feel right now. I love someone dearly and it's so hard because I can't tell him and I can't even show him. Circumstances just don't permit. I'm proud to say that I can now control my feelings. I allow my brain to function and reason with my heart, But it's hard. It's hard that I can't freely love him. That I just have to be contented with us being friends. That I just have to be contented with silently caring and loving him. It's hard most especially because I know he can't love me back and he cannot treat me the same way as he treat others. There will always be barriers. There will always be boundaries. There are so many things I cannot risk.
It's a daily struggle to not in any way show my feelings. It's a daily struggle not be jealous. It's a daily struggle of not being down because of knowing that all the beautiful things coming out of his mouth are not for me. It's a daily struggle of not being hurt because I am the person he'll never miss.I'm not part of his circle. I'm not part of his world.
My prayer at church today, is that I won't get tired of loving. That I won't give up on loving. I may have learned to control my emotions but I am actually getting to that point of not feeling anything. I don't want my heart to be numb. I don't.
To the person I love right now, I love you. I just say it here. I'll just wish someday, I can tell you freely.
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