Eponine

When I first heard the song On My Own, I guess I was 2nd yr HS that time, I cannot stop crying. The song is just too painful, yet it is full of love. Though I cannot relate to it yet at that time, it seemed to really hit me to the core. Fast track to today, for several days I longed to watch Les Mis but can't seem to find the time. Hence, I didn't watch it in cinema. Glad I made that choice because all my crying while watching the film would have been intolerable and embarrassing in the movie house. The scene that made me really cry was that of Eponine singing On My Own and her dying in Marius's arms. Man, I felt like I was her. I felt the pain,  I felt the love. And even while I am writing this now, I still am crying.

And funny how while watching those scenes, all that runs in my head were the pictures I saw early in the morning yesterday. I see that they are happy and I am good with that. And I guess all the crying I just did was my final letting go. Since the year started I vowed to myself that I will stop writing about him or how I felt. And I broke that promise several times. And I hope I won't this time. This will be the last time.

All I hope is she'll never learn about me or how I felt or the letters I wrote. Or if she already knew, she'd never take it against me.

This will be my last.

Without me

His world will go on turning

A world that's full of happiness

That I have never known.